Dear Leader,

You've heard the philosophical question "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

How about this one: "If a man is hurting, does anybody know?"

There are hurting men all around us. They are brothers, fathers, husbands, sons. They are in our churches. Sometimes, we are them. The problem is, we often hide our hurts. Not long ago, a wife confided in me about her husband's struggles, and how it's stressing their marriage. "I know the man he can be," she said, "but he doesn't let anyone in." This man has turned to unhealthy habits to numb the symptoms of his isolation. How do we help a man like this?

Recently, I was speaking with a man and he let his guard down. He let his hurts out. He's the rare man who is willing to be vulnerable. The problem for him is there are few people in his life who are willing to listen, let alone walk with him through his pain.

At times, I feel like John the Baptist crying out in the wilderness. There are men who are desperate for the saving grace of Jesus Christ. They need to know that he is real for them and that his power can resurrect their lives.

What these men need is someone to point them to Jesus. Much too often I find churches that are far too casual in their approach to their men. They are either ignorant, indifferent, or naive about the depth of the struggles their men are in. At the same time, there are churches that see the problem but don't know what to do about it.

I am begging you, for the sake of the men in your church...for their wives, children, families, friends...for your church and your community, we must fight the battle for men's souls.

I am ready and willing to come alongside you in the battle. Let's connect to see how we can help your men.

In Christ,

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A SYSTEM THAT WORKS
There is one time-tested, proven system that really works. When we want to know what men need, there is only one obvious answer: Men need the gospel. The gospel is a system that helps men change the core affections of their hearts.  Most "systems" men buy into don't satisfy all their needs. Sooner or later they are left frustrated, confused, lost, and hurting. As followers of Jesus who are called, equipped, and sent to reach the hearts of men, we must go after these men and show them the gospel. Once a man has been with Christ, experienced the joy of His grace, the warmth of His love, the cleansing of His forgiveness, and the indwelling of His Spirit, he inevitably comes to a point when he can no longer be happy unless he is serving the Lord.	Discipleship is simply the process of helping men move from relying on themselves or others to relying on God.

YOUR ACTION STEP: Listen to your hurting men

On numerous occasions I've simply sat with a man and listened to him. More often than not I've heard that man say things like "I don't know why I'm telling you this," or "I've never told anyone this before." There is nothing special about what I'm doing, and I don't have any particular training. It's something anyone can do. It is the gift of time and attention. As men, we are wired to fix things. Thus, we often have a hard time just listening. We want to jump in with solutions and advice. There may be a time and place for that, but we should not discount the power of presence.  This is a lesson we can learn from the mistakes of Job's friends when they tried to explain, advise, and place blame for all of his problems. It's a lesson I had to learn through marriage counseling. When I couldn't "fix" some problems my wife was facing, I felt helpless and emasculated. Eventually, I began blaming her, which only served to make the problems worse. By God's grace, I learned that my wife didn't need me to fix the problem, but she wanted me to understand what she was going through. While this doesn't often come natural for men, it's something we desperately need. When we have a forum to be vulnerable with one another, we create an opportunity to share burdens. The picture at top of men around a campfire is from a night with the men of a church I'm working with. It was incredible to sit there and listen to real, manly men be honest and open. Some shared testimonies of how God had helped them overcome. Others spoke of the concerns in their lives. Some asked questions, and others simply listened and observed. If we want to help our hurting men, we have to start by listening. By listening, we show men that we care. And when men know that we care...truly care...it opens doors for the gospel to be received.

GO DEEPER WITH THIS POST FROM THE MAN IN THE MIRROR BLOG Men and the Art of Listening We've all experienced talking to someone who isn't listening. And we've also been the distracted or inattentive one. As Christian men, perfecting the art of listening has deep implications for how we build meaningful relationships and the kingdom of God. Continue Reading →

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